Daily Archives: December 28, 2012

I want to talk about the price of gas, but first I got a message for the stuffie community: DON’T go see the movie Ted. When I heard that Hollywood was planning this movie I thought to myself, Finally, stuffed animals are getting their props! I even went down to audition for a part – and I got one! I told all my family and friends about it and they all came down here to the pub to celebrate. Things were sure looking rosy for me when, in the middle of the excitement, I get a call from the studio. Mark Wahlberg didn’t want me in the movie. I said, “Who the hell is Mark Wahlberg?” And then I gave the voice at the other end of the line a few suggestions about how much better the movie would be if they kept me and got rid of that muscle-bound piece of turd, but I was talking to a dead line. Hollywood, folks. It’ll break your heart every time.

Anyway, that’s when I realized that “Ted” was a cheap exploitation film, taking advantage of the gentle, quiet, and most of all, inexpensive nature of us stuffies! You know where that teddy bear is now? Gathering dust on a shelf in the props storage room. And those bastards never even took the time to realize that the bear is a female! Boycott the movie! Burn the DVD’s! Hell, burn Mark Wahlberg! As for me, I’m not leaving this pub ever again.

Now about the price of gas… How gas prices at the pump all go up right away – and all at the same time, mind you, when oil prices go up on the stock market. But when oil goes down, the pump prices stay up and gradually drop over the next month. And all at the same time! How is this possible, logistically. Did every gas station’s reservoir go empty at exactly the same time???

So my nephew took me for a drive the other day and stopped at a gas station to fill up. I noticed there were two more gas stations across the street from the one we were at – one on each corner. And each gas station had the same price for gas – as usual. So I went inside the station and asked the cashier who sets the price, and he told me it’s the distributor. Well readers, guess how many refineries supply gas to the various gas stations in your city? ONE! That’s right, Shell, Exxon, Chevron, BP… they all get their gas from the same place! Does the word “monopoly” ring a bell? How about “price fixing”? How about “massive ripoff”? I’m beginning to wonder why they don’t tell their customers to stay bent over their cars when they’re pumping gas. That way we can have a physical experience of what they’ve been doing to us all along!

Now I don’t have any advice for you regarding this blatant raping and pillaging the oil companies are carrying out. I can only tell you what I plan on doing about it. I’m going to order another beer and try to forget this bullshit. Bottoms up – if you don’t mind the double meaning!

Hey, why not watch my video, it’s pure bull!